I loved my youth – not to be confused with feeling youthful, but my actual youth.  Memories flood the infinite space of my mind and where memory fails, I have plenty of friends, journals & photos to remind me (for better and worse).  The shitty days, distilled to a dull, faint, wisp of thought, through the charity of time, are now accent flavors of a life well lived.   I still feel young, even as I look at my younger days in the rearview mirror. Grateful for the qualities that keep me grounded in youthful expression and fresh thinking, I am equally glad that I get to move gracefully into the second half of my life.  I am claiming this journey into elder-hood as a gift to slowly unwrap until my days are done.  (I am also reclaiming Kumbaya!!)

Since choosing to let my wild gray hair push through years of dye & bleach, I have felt a swell of abundance down to my bones and out through my skin.  Crowned with a silver “halo” I strive daily to rise to meet its magic. I have collected many chronicles over the years, to which I now bow, curtsy, skip, jump, run and fall in reverence and joy.  I am excited to experience my dreams, destinations and journeys as a silver-silhouetted being.  This lifetime’s collection of stories will not be complete until my soul ascends. In that spirit, this chapter is sure to have its own cliff hangers, plot twists, challenges & resolutions, which will one day be viewed from a new perch.

I’m ready to step fully into myself to see what’s there and figure out how to navigate from this new and ever-changing perspective.

Seeing the changes in people I knew when I was young in years, can be stark and soft.  Relaxing my eyes, they are mirror reflections of what was, while clarity of what is can be seen with eyes wide open.

Watching my children grow and become more expansive in their own natures & gifts and directed toward their own hearts, is a satisfaction beyond description.  My roles as their guide & witness do a daily dance; I swirl, dizzy & disoriented as time ticks on, revealing a kaleidoscope of possible outcomes.

I’m not interested in reliving my younger days or trying to look like I did at 25, 30 or even 40.  I am curious to surrender to the current of this new voyage (which is really an extension of the one I began at birth). I’m not giving up, quite the contrary; I want to look and feel the best I can at each stage and on every stage.  This time, marked by the growing coffer of wisdom granted by daily living, has a quality all its own.  The lines around my eyes, life-worn frames, are evidence of countless smiles, which I would never return for a smoother exterior.  My chemically treated tresses spun into silver while I wasn’t paying attention, and now I am rewarded with the discovery of this treasure.  Worthwhile work, remarkable community and my beautiful family are the keys I wear around my heart.

I still wear old jeans because they’re comfortable; I say Fuck a lot and ponder what’s on the horizon; I aspire to become a better person and dream of ways to make the world a sweeter place; my eyes are open to the wonders of my tiny world as well as the overarching multiverse; I still question authority and swoon, like a teenager, over sexy actors I love; I am more discerning and less judgmental (and working on the “less judgmental” part is an ongoing process).  I love to walk and dance barefoot, drink bourbon, listen to rock and roll and eat junk food on occasion; I am a storyteller and also love to listen to stories (real & made up).  I love music, movies, plays, books & good television; I appreciate Barbra Streisand, the Grateful Dead, Frank Zappa and Broadway musicals, equally (this is a truncated list); I was just as authentic when I colored my hair as I am now in letting it go; I enjoy eating meat but often return to a vegetarian diet for health reasons. I am a warrior for peace & justice;  I am unapologetically liberal with my love, praise and politics.  I’ve been told I’m sexy & cute (which I happily own) & while not a great beauty, I’ve turned a few heads in my day.  I practice and teach yoga but never identified as an athlete, dancer or gymnast; I practice from a place of love, so I can love more (and sometimes people piss me off!); I’m drawn to meditation and honor every limb of this practice, in my way – I have referred to myself as an IslamaChristaHinduBuddhaJew (all paths to the same place – how do I add atheist & agnostic into this title?); I am an extrovert who also thrives in silent, alone time.  I work at the equanimity part of engaging with challenging relationships and opposing views when they feel threatening; sometimes I can rise above my petty human impulses and other times I don’t.  I still believe the best is yet to come.  I am flawed, scarred, and abundantly human.  I am turning 50!!!  I am happy.

Most of all, I am grateful that I am here to write this and share the mysteries of this life with each person who has ever crossed and will ever cross my winding path.

Love, Peace & Kumbaya!!