Competitive Play

There are some moments that wake you up to the shifting boundaries of a life that has become comfortable and often predictable. These moments seem to accelerate and arrive more frequently with small children.  

Watching three year olds play soccer, tumble on gymnastics mats, “ha-ya!” in karate class or dance around at the Kids’ Music Round is pure joy. They run, roll, chop and dance with utter abandon, without any notice of skill levels, points or end goal; it’s all about the mini moments that make up the journey. It is an existential party, watching as each moment bursts with meaning.

And then they turn six. Things begin to change. The soccer coach is more eager for the goal. Cartwheel form becomes more important. The “ha-yas!” require precision with movement. Music Round is now for the babies and practicing an instrument becomes a chore.

Even watching these activities has an added amount of stress. The stress for me is the struggle between encouraging my kids to keep the joy safe and abundant while nudging them to strive to achieve their best (whatever that may be). I want to be on the sidelines cheering them on without them feeling attached to any end result. I want them to know both the elation of a win and the quiet humble moment of a loss.

Last night I found myself at my five year old’s karate class, near tears of love, watching as she was finding her voice, overcoming fear and charging toward an unknown goal. Some of these kids have been in this class for much longer than she and their skill levels show it. From the sidelines, one can easily spot the kids who are growing up in a competitive atmosphere. Their faces show seriousness and focus, almost gloating smiles when they excel and crestfallen eyes when someone edges them out.

I feel sadness for a childhood that may have missed something of a total joy absent of the need to do better than everyone else. The other side is that these kids will likely be very “successful” in the things they pursue. I wonder, though, if the satisfaction of successful fruition of a goal is synonymous with happiness.

Part of my job as a parent, I believe, is to give my kids the tools to cultivate happiness in their lives whatever else may be going on. Of course I want them to experience the full range of emotions and experiences that are out there, but their foundations should be formed by and layered with happiness.

Like sports, music and any other activity in which we choose to participate, cultivating a positive world requires practice. Not to be misunderstood, cultivating a happy life in no way precludes the need to recognize, cope with and embrace the human condition. This world is filled with sadness and struggles and we should never be complicit in denying this fact.

Yoga is the way I choose to balance these seemingly opposing forces. Unlike the endorphin rush that used to chase me off the elliptical machine at the gym once upon a time and would dissipate into whatever my next activity was, Yoga lingers.

The benefits of pure cardiovascular activities are abundant, for sure, and may even include a meditative aspect for some. Its focus, though, is the body and in many sporting activities, competition is key. This fosters a unique energy that serves a purpose and that is to achieve something; win the game, lose the weight, do better than the other team, be better than you were yesterday. No pain no gain.

Yoga also has a goal and that is to move into a place of greater flexibility and strength, not only in one’s body but in one’s mind, heart and life. The unique energy this fosters is one of opening; open your heart, open the mind, open the body, open to each moment.  No pain no pain (or if there is pain, meet it where it is and recognize what it is there to inform).

Yoga distinguishes itself in the realm of Western style exercise as an Eastern practice which reveals a bigger picture of health and wellness, where the breath rather than competition is the key.

Therein lies the challenge I face with my children. I want them to be their best and work hard to continue growing and becoming whatever that standard of “best” is for them without harming their spirits. Similarly, I wish to keep delving deeper into my mat, challenging my body and mind to discover their limitations while joyfully dancing to that edge.

My wish for my children is that joy and competition join forces rather than vie for dominance.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *